Hambones and Antlers

Dear Max,

Things have been crazy here at the kampground. Gramma has been pulling up flowers! Us dogs look out the window and there she is pulling up her flowers! If us dogs bother her flowers, she gets really upset. Has the world gone mad? Why is Gramma pulling up her flowers? They are brown and dead looking, but she usually leaves them in the ground until spring time and then she pulls them up.

That is not all that is crazy here. Yesterday Gramma gave a big bone to the puppy called Toni. She gave a smaller bone to me. She made us go outside and she gave a much smaller bone to Oscar and let him stay inside. Emmy got a soft chew treat. Okay, I understand why Emmy didn't get a bone ..... she has hardly any teeth. Oscar is fat, so he gets a very small one. But, I ask you, why was my treat smaller than Toni's???

It didn't matter anyway, 'cause Toni brought the big ham bone in the house and she left it unattended and Oscar got it. Then Oscar left it and I pounced on it. There was some snarling and growling involved and then Gramma got involved. She smacked her flyswatter on the table and told us that if she heard one more growl, that ham bone was going into the trash. The trash!! She wouldn't ........... would she? Emmy assured us all that Gramma was as good as her word and that if we didn't share nicely, we would lose our ham bone. It was a very trying day. Toni tried to bring the bone into the bed last night and that is when Gramma confiscated it. We haven't seen it since.

Today Gramma showed me this picture of you and Gavin. Did I teach you nothing? You are not supposed to look happy and content wearing such foolishness. I know that you are small and cannot stop them, but do not look content when they do this to you. Oh, I feel I should tell you, this get-up you are wearing was designed for a cat! A cat, I tell you! Talk about lack of dignity.

First of all, when you see them getting this stuff out to put it on you ...... run! Try to have a pre-determined hiding place and go there. If they catch you and start to put antlers on your head, shake it violently from side to side. Roll onto your back and use your paws to block them. For heavens sake you have a ruffle and bells around your neck. Have you seen yourself? It is not pretty. Have some dignity!

Until next time, I remain, your older, wiser friend, Wall-E

You Have Grown!

Dear Max,

Wow! You are so big. You look like you are twice as big as when we took you to Gavin. Soon you might be as big as me. Gramma says that you won't grow to be as big as I am, but that's okay. I kind of like that you will always be smaller than me. What I don't like is Gramma and Papa drooling over this picture of you. I was a cute puppy once ........ I was.


Gramma was all like, "Oh how cute is he!!" when she saw this picture of you sleeping. She said that you were in a new bed. I have a whole kennel. Oh, I forgot, you have one, too. Well, I can jump up on Gramma's bed ....... so there.

I have to admit that my boy looks very happy holding you. Don't bite him! I have mixed feelings about this picture. I think I need to go get in Papa's lap now. I know I chose to stay with Papa, well, really it was Papa's choice. But, I miss my boy.

Could you please give my boy some licks from me? Thanks.

Your thankful friend, Wall-E

Nail Clippers

Dear Max,

Gramma is tricky, I tell you! Pay close attention to your people, they will try to trick you!

Gramma has dog toenail clippers. She swears to me that it will not hurt when she clips my nails. I do not like for anyone to touch my paws! And these nail clippers look like torture devices. Oscar is also opposed to having this done. It is very traumatic for both of us. Emmy will simply lay there while Gramma clips away and then she will even take scissors and trim the hair on Emmy's paws. I have mentioned that Emmy is somewhat of a goody two shoes, haven't I?

Wait, how can she be a goody two shoes? She does not wear shoes and if she did, she would need four, not two, Where do these sayings come from? Emmy does whatever Gramma wants her to do and never complains or growls about it. I would say that it is a girl thing, but now that I have met the puppy called Toni, I know better.

Back to the clippers. Gramma was trying to convince me to let her clip my nails last night. She would hold my paw in her hands and tell me that I would feel much better if she let me cut them. She is wrong about that. She would feel much better if I let her cut my nails. I cried and growled and carried on and she let go of my paw. We watched a little TV and then got ready for bed. I kept an eye on Gramma to make sure that she didn't pick up those silver clippers and bring them to bed. This has happened before. I have been all drowsy and happy tucked in next to Papa and she has whipped out those evil clippers and clipped off my nails before I knew what she was up to. See what I mean about being tricky?

Now that I am wise to her tricks I always watch her when we are headed to bed. I am one smart dog, you know. Well, I thought I was. Last night, right after she lifted Oscar into the bed, She picked up my front paw and slipped the clippers over my nail and "POP". SHE CLIPPED MY TOENAIL!!! She had a different pair of clippers hidden in the bedroom! These were not silver, they were black!

This is not fair, you know. Papa says that Gramma plays by her own rules when it comes to us dogs beig clean. What does clean have to do with my nails? I was so shocked last night I didn't even have time to yelp! Gramma was right, it didn't hurt, but I won't tell her that. Just be careful and watch Gavin's mom closely. She mght be as tricky as Gramma!

Your watchful friend, Wall-E

Weight

Dear Max,

Gramma tells me that you are growing. I heard her telling Papa that you now weigh three and 1/2 pounds! Gee, I wonder how much I weigh ........ I wonder why no one is weighing me. Now that I think about it, I have never heard them talk about my weight. Gramma always calls Emmy 6 pounds of pure love. I heard Papa say that Oscar must weigh 20 pounds and that he is fat. Why don't they care how much I weigh?

Oh, sorry, I got a little side tracked there. I wonder about things, you know. Okay, you weigh more than when you were here and Gramma seems to be quite pleased about it. Be careful, though. You don't want to get fat like Oscar. Oscar is a greedy eater. He won't let us other dogs eat until he has all he wants. Gramma serves up some tasty kibble. There are different flavored morsels in it and Oscar always eats all the best ones and leaves the plain stuff for me. Emmy refuses to be bullied by his antics and he knows better than to growl at her. She can't bite him anymore, most of her teeth are gone. But Gramma has a fly swatter and she is not afraid to use it!

Oh, you need to know what a fly swatter is. It has a piece of plastic mesh at the end of a handle about two feet long. It is designed to kill pesky flies. Gramma uses it for the purpose it was intended, but she will also use it on a dog's hind quarter should that dog misbehave. It stings. You do not want to be on the receiving end of this fly killing machine. I have had it applied to my backside and I have to admit, it does make me think before I act. These fly swatters come in a variety of colors, so don't be fooled like I was if your person should have more than one.

I must go wake Oscar and find out how a dog gets weighed. I want to know how much I weigh, well, unless it hurts to have this done. I wonder why my weight has never been the topic of conversation here at Gramma's house. Gramma said that I was a tiny pup like you and she found my old collar and you actually wore it when we took you to Gavin. I wonder how much I weighed then. I need to know. Also, the time will be changing tomorrow. Gramma has been singing a song about turning back time so that she won't forget. I don't know why these things happen, but if I find out I will let you know.

Your timeless friend, Wall-E

My Story

Dear Max,

I promised to tell you my story ...... well the reason I don't go and live with my boy. It all began a long time ago, when I was just a pup, myself.



I lived with my boy and his mom in an apartment. The apartment was nice and I loved being with my boy and playing with him. But, Gavin's mom had to go to work every day and Gavin went to daycare. That meant that I had to stay in my kennel all day long and wait for them to come home. I was very young and I was lonely, so I cried and I yelped and the neighbors could hear my distress and they began to complain. Gavin's mom tried taking me to daycare with Gavin. I liked that! There were other dogs there and I liked to run and play with them in a yard.

I was okay with this arrangement. I got to be with my boy all day long and I got to play with Minnie and Molly (they are Boston Terriers). They lived with Gavin's daycare provider. His name was Grampa Don. He liked me, too. That is where the problem started. Grampa Don and Gramma Jan were becoming very attached to me and me to them. I have to confess that I liked their house better than the apartment. They had a door that opened into the yard and I could just run out there whenever I needed to. The apartment was upstairs and in order to go outside I had to have a lead attached to my collar, then go out the door to the elevator (sometimes I had to wait for it) and then out two more doors and then on to the dog park. Think about it ......... first thing in the morning, after a nice long sleep, you wake with a full bladder .......... I tell you, it is awful to have to wait to relieve yourself ( that means to go pee).

I met Gramma when she came to see Gavin. She told Gavin's mom that I was a homely little fellow. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I peed on her bare foot when we woke up the next day. Little did I know that I would be living at Gramma's house in the future.

Not long after Gramma came to see Gavin, your mom called her and told her that she would have to come get me. Gramma said that she was not ready to have another dog. That was right after her Collie, Sarge died and then the Saint Bernard, Louise died just months later. Emmy tells me that Gramma was very sad and that she cried a lot. Gramma loves her pets, you know.
I listened while your mom was talking. She told Gramma that all she was going to say was that she should consider the fact that her grandson was in love with his little white dog (me).

As much as Gramma loves her pets, she loves her grandchildren even more. So, the next thing I knew, Gramma was knocking on your door. She was not alone, though. Papa was with her, of course, but so were Oscar and Emmy. I was scared of Oscar! He came into my territory and he let me know that he was the boss ........... in MY space. I knew then that he was not afraid of anything. Emmy was just Emmy. She just goes with the flow and is sweet around everyone. She is Oscar's wife dog. She seems pretty meek, but she does not let Oscar bully her. I have heard that she has even had to bite him! I was not afraid of her, though, just him.

When Gramma and Papa started to leave I noticed that Gavin's mom was packing up all my toys and my kennel and me! Papa put my big kennel in Gramma's tiny car. He was grumbling about how big it was and how much stuff I had and how long he would have to drive. He was grouchy and I was afraid of him, too. Gramma shushed him. Gavin was crying and Gramma was crying and hugging Gavin. Gavin's mom picked him up and held him as they waved goodbye and Papa drove away with Gramma and three dogs.

I was so scared. Oscar kept snarling at me as I trembled in my kennel. Gramma patted me and tried to comfort me while Papa grumbled about why we had to bring the kennel. Gramma told him that I needed my kennel because it had my boy's smells in it and would comfort me. Did I tell you that Gramma is wise? We drove a long, long time and then we were at Gramma and Papa's house. When I came inside I was in for another shock. There was a cat! His name was Gremlin and he was very mean to me. He was sitting on the back of the couch and waving his long tail at me. I thought he wanted to be friends with me. I tried to grab his tail and he swatted me in the face and snarled at me. Thank goodness he did not have claws!

It was scary at first and Gramma had to hold me a lot, but I like it here. I have a yard with a fence and I can go out when I need to. Gramma is here almost all the time. When she is at work, she is just on the other side of a half door. Us dogs can hear her and see her. We live in a kampground and lots of people and dogs come and stay, then leave. I like to meet people and Gramma says that I am very friendly and mostly obedient.

Papa and I became the best of friends. Oscar and Emmy sleep with Gramma and Papa. Papa said that since we had to bring my kennel with me that I was going to have to sleep in it. I was sad and I missed my boy and I would cry. Gramma said it was a pitiful cry and asked Papa how he could bear to listen to it. Papa finally brought me into the bed. I was going to sleep next to Gramma, but Oscar was already there and growled at me. Emmy moved away from Papa and I snuggled next to him. After that, Papa started playing with me and teaching me tricks. Whenever Papa would sit down I would get in his lap. Papa said that I was the very first dog that had ever liked him more than they liked Gramma.

So, I suppose you could say that not only do I have a boy, but I have a man, too. Papa needs me, you see. I keep him warm at night and I am still the only dog that loves him best. Even the puppy called Toni that he rescued from the dog pound prefers Gramma. I have to stay here, you see, for Papa. The last time Gavin came to see me he wanted to take me home to his new house. I was torn, because I love them both .... Gavin and Papa.

Gramma was angry at Papa for loving me so much that he could not let me go. She admitted that she would miss me, too and be worried about me. Gramma says that I have been socialized and would need a companion. She was right. I do not like to be alone and I would not like to be the only animal in a house. So that is how I came to live here with Papa and be his number one dog. Don't tell Oscar I said this. He still thinks he is the boss. Emmy says it is best to let him continue to think so.

I need to go out and play with the puppy called Toni now, but I will be back with more advice soon.

Your mentor dog, Wall-E

Advice

Dear Max,

I did not think it would be possible to miss you, but I do. Maybe not as much as the puppy called Toni. She ran round and round searching for you upon our return from the trip that took you to Gavin. She is still learning things .......... like you. But she has three older dogs to teach her. You only have people. People are good. They take care of you and feed you and keep you clean and safe. But, another dog to show you the ropes is priceless. I heard that on TV. The priceless thing. I have been waiting ever so long to use it.

I am lucky. I had Oscar and Emmy to teach me things. Oscar says that when he came to live with Gramma there were already dogs in her house. A Collie, named Sarge, and a Saint Bernard, named Louise. He said that Sarge taught him lots of stuff. Sarge was wise and he was a good dog, too. He was Gramma's dog. He showed Oscar how to behave. Louise did, too. Mostly she showed him how not to behave! She was in trouble ......... a lot!

Oscar gets in trouble, too. Sometimes he thinks Gramma doesn't pay enough attention to us dogs and he will act very bad to get Gramma's attention. This is not the kind of attention you want. Gramma tells Oscar that it is a good thing she loves him, or he might find himself at the dog pound. The dog pound ..... are you wondering what that is? Well, it is not good to be at the dog pound. That is where Papa got the puppy called Toni.

This is where dogs and puppies without homes go. Toni told us other dogs here that you have to live in a kennel and people come through and look at you. She said the lucky ones get to go home with people. She is one of the lucky ones. She got to come live here with Gramma and Papa and us other dogs. I think you should know that you are lucky, too. The lady who gave you to Gramma was headed for the pound with you and all your brother and sister dogs!!

Gramma was just going to take a little peek at you and your litter mates. She had absolutely no intention of getting another dog. She said that four dogs is her limit. But, she saw you. She said she scooped you up into her hand and then she called Papa and told him to come to the store. Papa said he was busy and did not want to look at puppies. He said, "No way are we getting another dog!!" Gramma told him to hush and high-tail it to the front of the building before she came to get him. He did and when he saw you, he looked at Gramma and she looked at him and they both said Gavin at the same time. Gavin is your boy.

Gavin was my boy first. That will be your very first lesson. I was Gavin's first dog. You need to remember that. I was number one. Boys never forget their first dog. Gramma says so. Really. It has been my experience that Gramma knows things. A lot of things. That will be lesson number two. Gramma knows everything. I am not sure just how old she is, but she has lived a long, long time. Oh, and I think you should know that Gavin's mom, the one who no doubt feeds you .... she is Gramma's daughter. She is not nearly as wise as Gramma, but I have heard Gramma say that she is a force to be reckoned with. This means that you have to do what she tells you ..... or else there will be dire consequences. Dire means not so good.

So, this letter is to let you know that I will be writing from time to time to give you advice and help you learn to be the kind of dog my boy deserves. You might be wondering why I just didn't go live with my boy. It is a long story and I will share it with you in my next letter. Until then, just remember that a wagging tail and a cute trick will get you out of most situations.

Your faithful teacher dog, Wall-E